Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
