dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
