You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
