And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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