I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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