I am puke
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
