I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize