and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We are all done wearing pants today
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
