So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?