This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program