how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
