My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
