Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
