you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
