I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
