i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
