spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
