somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I currently don't understand fingers.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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