help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
