Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Randomize
