paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
