How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
