he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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