so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
