Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
