She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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