Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
