it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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