i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
