we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
