as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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