Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
