Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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