Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
