we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
