Can i not drive my cunt home
"it" just moved
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
babies were throwing up all over the place
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
