Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
