Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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