She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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