my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
