my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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