My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
