i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
