I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
