Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
