Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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