I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
