Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
