I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
