When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
foreskin is a definite game changer
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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