I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
