I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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