omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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