If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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