I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
