I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
