so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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