I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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