I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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