I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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