I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
