My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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