He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This is the high leading the old right now
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
