rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
