WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
