so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i've created a new STD.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
