Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
