I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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