I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
