if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
