my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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