I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
