is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
