Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
tonight lets celebrate not being married
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
His nipple licking is glorious
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