there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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