i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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