so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
