Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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