Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
