i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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