im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
