just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
