fuck your aforementioned shoe
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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