Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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