in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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