i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
