You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
