Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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