guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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