your parents love me but you hate me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
