i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
