The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
