To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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