i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm just crazy horny about you
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
