It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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