Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
