This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
not ubering you a puppy
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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